Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
