I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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