I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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