what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
