The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
