Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
