she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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