I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
