I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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