I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
