just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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