We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Enjoy the penises
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
