We won't sleep together?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
