i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
