Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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