$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize