you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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