State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
