Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
