i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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