dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
