I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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