i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
