Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
