So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
