so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
