Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
