nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You are a genius and a whore.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
