i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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