Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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