You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
17 year olds will be the death of me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So many bounce houses so little time
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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