Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
