just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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