The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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