Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
