we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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