I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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