I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
