just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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