It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
