There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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