i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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