I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Still dying that you shit outside
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
