She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
