Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
