does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he puts the penis in happiness.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
