On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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