I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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