More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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