just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
