Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
