the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We need a shit load of segways right now
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
