I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
