Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
