and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
