I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My bed smells like the plague
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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