Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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