A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
