I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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