Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
