just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just high enough for therapy.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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