Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
