Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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