You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize