can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize