So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
