woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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