Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
