Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
