Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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