I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
