john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
