So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
