Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it hurts more in the daytime
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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